Jesus Touched Me

Easter has come and gone now.  The promise of the resurrection lasts forever.

In my last post, I described a bit about Bonnie and the person she was, even in the face of pain, weakness and what I call evil.  The same day that I was experiencing the memories from our last boat ride together the mail woman was putting something in my mail box. 

Perhaps this was another reason I was to stay here this Easter and not try to "run away".

The following note came along with an Easter Card.  The card will be forgotten, the personal note will not.  You see, it describes eloquently, simply, and beautifully an aspect of Bonnie that was so obvious to those who knew her.  She was different.  She was......

I've given this note a nickname:  "Jesus Touched Me" 

About this time last year, Bonnie and I went to see the ‘Passion of the Christ” at the First Assembly of Good church in Florence, AL.  This is the church I was raised in – what a privelege to share this with Bonnie.

We were sitting in the second row – Bonnie had the aisle seat.  When the actors came in, the gentleman who played Jesus touched Bonnie on the shoulder.  She turned to me and said “I was just touched by Jesus”.  She chuckled – we both did.  When we left, this same Jesus was standing at the door and we shook hands while I told him how much we enjoyed the play.

On the way to the car, Bonnie said “I was touched by Jesus” and of course I had to come back with “Yeah, but he shook my hand”. 

We had a couple of weeks of fun out of this.  She would nudge me and say, “I was touched by Jesus” and of course I would reply, “Yeah, but he shook my hand”.  Just a giggle between two friends….

But, you know Barry, if there were ever anyone on this earth truly touched by Jesus, she was, and everyone she touched was touched by Him also.

Yes, that is true.  He touched many people through Bonnie.  Many of her friends from BSF, whom I did not know, have shared with me their experiences of meeting Bonnie, of her kindness, of her smile and encouragement, and of her touching them   They were touched by Jesus too....through Bonnie.

A First to remember a Last

Tomorrow is a Holy Day that is glorious in its message.  It is difficult to comprehend it all.  It is a blessing beyond belief for those who accept it.  It does, after all "Exceed abundantly all that we can think or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20).

My sister, who has been so supportive of me these past months, asked me to be with them this weekend, knowing holidays are difficult for me.  I, however, chose to be alone over this weekend.  There was an expectation within me.  There was a still, soft voice that was saying "Wait.  Don't try to run away.  Experience it." 

Today may have been a small answer to that.  What will tomorrow bring?  I can only think or imagine.  But today....

I spent the majority of the day working on the SeaRay boat.  It is a 21 foot, open bow, ski rig.  Bonnie and I bought it 11 years ago.  We kept it in immaculate condition.  Last Fall after Bonnie's death, Ben, my son-in-law helped me to winterize it.  I can honestly say that I remember little of doing so.  It has been a concern of mine all winter that I'd forgotten something...did I get the water out of the engine?  Did I open all the drain cocks.  Had I ruined the engine?

For the most part, today was a day of cleaning and cleaning and cleaning.  As I was doing so I began to remember the last time the boat was on the water....the last time it had been run...that last time was the last time Bonnie, Hobo, and I had ridden in it together.

I believe it was September.  It was a glorious pre-fall morning.  Even though Bonnie was concerned that she was not strong enough to get down to the dock and into the boat, she wanted to go.  I told her I would carry her if need be.  She wanted to go and I'd take her.  We went.

We took our normal run down Bear Creek and on the way back I asked her if I could 'Make Thunder'.  She nodded, with that wonderful grin of hers. 

"Making Thunder" is another of my expressions..it means the same thing as "letting the ponies run".  In other words, the boat was about to go flat out.  When the SeaRay is at full tilt and there is a chop on the water, it sounds like thunder rolling down the river.  It is glorious to be in it when it "makes thunder".  Bonnie loved it as much as I do, I think.  Hobo, on the other hand, tends to hide under my feet when we are 'letting the ponies run'.  We were both smiling, laughing, loving being out in the boat on a beautiful Fall day, together.

When we returned to the dock a challenge presented itself.  Bonnie realized she was not strong enough to get out of the boat.  It requires some stepping up and over to the dock.  I had to literally pick her up, carry her over the side and sit her on the dock.  Believe it or not, we both ended up laughing until our sides hurt.  (There were two guys fishing in a boat nearby and we swore they probably thought Bonnie was still reeling from too much to drink the night before.)  That was my Bonnie....able to laugh in the face of evil.

That was the last time we were in the boat together.  That was the last time the boat had been run since she died. 

Today was spent in preparation.  (Does that ring a bell for this time of year?  Are you preparing?)

I'd cleaned the boat as much as I could.  I was tired.  My back hurt.  I was finished.  But, there was this still, quiet voice that said...'remember'. 

The wind was howling today.  There was a two foot chop blowing from south to north across the end of the dock.  Not an easy exit or entrance for a boat.  But, I remembered that last time.  Was it time for a first?

It just kept gnawing at me as I finished cleaning the interior.  Why was I avoiding it?  The boat HAD to go out eventually.  GO!! 

But, what would it be like, this FIRST time without Bonnie?  Could I do this?  Would the boat even start, and if so would the engine be ok?  Then, if the boat would run, could I face it?

I lowered the boat in its cradle into the water.  I cranked the engine over.  Once, twice, three times.  Then, on the fourth try that big engine fired.  It belched the blue smoke from the fogging oil and kept on chugging.  Then, it caught and sounded like a brand new engine.  I carefully backed the boat out of the slip, with it banging around from the waves.

Hobo took his normal spot in the back seat, his head resting on the gunwale, facing the houses....he likes to sight-see in comfort.  The memories flooded back.

We idled south, past the homes nearby, as I carefully watched gauges and listened to the engine.  Everything seemed normal.  Ben and I must have winterized her well.

As the houses went past and then behind us, I nudged the throttle.  We were going into the wind and the chop was a bit rough.  Hobo decided it was time to take cover.  I was doing fine with the whole thing, concentrating on the boat and how it was running.

Then, I turned into a large cove and pushed the throttle even farther down.  Farther.  Farther.  I turned out of the cove and back toward the house.  I realized then that this was the exact course Bonnie and I had taken last September. 

I just had to do it.  I jammed the throttle to full open and in two foot waves, going 50 mph, started "making thunder".  The tears were streaming, the engine was screaming, the waves were splashing up and over the boat.  In the midst of the tears was laughter....mine for sure, hers, I think so.  Remembering a "last" that was so precious.  It was a celebration.

Bonnie gave that to me.....that last wonderful, precious memory.   On her last time in that boat, she presented me with what I will remember as a precious first memory. 

Was this the reason I was to stay here for Easter?  I don't know.  What will tomorrow bring.  I don't know that either.  I do know however, what Jesus brought to us....His resurrection....our promise of everlasting life if we believe in Him and change our ways to His ways. 

Would I have made this post if I had not listened to that still quiet voice?   No.  Would I have experienced this wonderful event had I not let Jesus move me into that boat to remember a last while experiencing a first?  No!!  Would any of us have a promise, a hope of everlasting life had Jesus not died for us and then crushed the grave to live forever?  NO!!!!!

Tomorrow.......exceeding abundantly.

Glimpses

This has been a roller coaster week for me.  It began with a wonderful three days in Birmingham, visiting Shelley, Lexi and Ben.  I was able to work outside cleaning their decks in preparation for a new coat of stain, but much more importantly, I was able to spend time with my two girls.  They are a blessing to be around.  Lexi is growing and becoming quite the little person now, at age 14 months.  Shelley is, like her mother was, an excellent Mom.  They are just a pleasure to watch.

On Tuesday, I thanked Shelley for giving me the first day since Bonnie's funeral that the dark edges had not crept in on me.  It was a time when I was able to live a 'normal' day....a day that we all tend to take for granted...a day when things are going well for us.  We let them pass without acknowledging that they are not 'normal' at all, but rather abnormal for many.  I know I let many of those days go by over the years without giving true thanks for them.  No longer. 

I encourage each of you to give thanks at the end of those 'normal' days.  They are quite special, after all.

Upon returning to this peaceful and beautiful spot on the shores of Pickwick lake, the dark edges started to creep back in.  This time of healing is not a straight line at all.  I've written before of one step forward and two steps back, of not being able to breathe.  The comparison of Monday with Wednesday and Thursday was one of those times of stepping back.

On Thursday, Hobo took me fishing.  It was wonderful to be out on the water with my dog.  He loves to ride in the bass boat with his big Beagle ears flapping in the wind...until they flap too hard and he hides under the dash.  These are times that, under normal circumstances, are favorites for me.  Yesterday however I just couldn't get the loss of my dear Bonnie off my mind. 

I've been reading the old testament this winter.  I just completed Proverbs this week.  As I finished the book, you know the chapter that hit me?  Sure you do.  Go to it and you will understand.  Proverbs 31:10-31...It begins "A wife of noble character, who can find?"  I was blessed to have done so.  It concludes with  "Give her the reward she has earned"....  I believe she is now receiving that reward....in Heaven, for all eternity, receiving all the promises given to the faithful.

I witnessed another wife of noble character this week....my daughter Shelley.  Ben is a very fortunate man.  He found a wife of noble character too....a wife trained by a mother of noble character.  To see Shelley at work with Lexi gave me a glimpse into my past....watching Bonnie at work with Shelley.