Over the past year I have written many times about the difficulties associated with 'firsts'. This week finds me facing what might be considered the 'last first'. My guess is, as my friends tell me, this will not be the last first I will experience. But perhaps it is the last 'official' first. This coming Sunday marks the first anniversary of Bonnie's step into Heaven.
This past year has seen many changes in my life. From the depths of despair, loneliness and grief to where I find myself now is nothing short of miraculous. Had someone asked me last year where I would be on October 30, 2011, I would never have described where I am.
Even with the loss we all encountered with her passing, I am becoming able to look to the future and enjoy the present.
Interestingly, just the other night I experienced another first. It was the first time since her step into Heaven that Bonnie has appeared to me in a dream. I wonder why I have not dreamed of her before and why now. Perhaps my mind and my heart are healing enough to allow that to happen.
To accept what has happened allows me to live again....to dance. To heal means that life is still there to be lived. I am coming to think of the future as a second chance. A chance to live, love, laugh and experience. A chance to explore what God has in mind for me.
In my life there have been many losses. I have learned to let go of them and to move on. To do otherwise prevents the living, prevents the dance, prevents future joy.
Each of you reading this journal for the past year has experienced loss and will do so again. I pray that each of you will turn to our Lord in those times, not away from Him. I pray that you will find solace in Him and that you will find healing as have I.
There will be pain. There will be scars. But, in Him there is hope. In Him there is a future. In Him there is eternity. With our Lord, we all have second chances, even thirds and fourths. Stay the course with Him. Learn to live those second chances to the fullest.
I am learning to dance again. I am learning to love again. I am learning to live again. Perhaps this is not the last first, but the first second chance.
As I close this entry, I feel it is time to close this journal. The Journey will obviously continue, but in a different form. There is another blog now. It is called "An Adventure Begins". It was begun as my second chance began. I started writing it about the time I began to try out the steps to this new dance I've been given. I hope you will join me there. If you would like to follow along, you may do so at: http://mainship-andante.blogspot.com/
I don't plan on sending e-mail announcements when I post, but if you care to, you may join that new blog and receive them automatically. I thank you for your support this past year. This journal has been therapeutic for me. I hope it has helped someone, somewhere. If so, it has served its purpose.
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