It was bound to happen and it did.
The activity from last week came to an end on Sunday as the guys headed home to be with their wives on Mother's Day. This cabin became extremely quiet and lonely. It screamed at me it was so quiet. One of my friends, and a "club member", told me to steel myself for Sunday. It was going to be a deep and difficult time. She was right.
Not only were the guys gone, it was Mother's Day....the first Mother's Day without Bonnie. I called Shelley, knowing she was going to have a difficult day as well. The dark edges, as I call them, were bound to creep in on her also. This was the first time she had ever experienced a Mother's Day without her Mom. How sad.
To have loved someone so exceptional was a blessing beyond description. To lose that loved one is as difficult as the blessing was wonderful. Shelley had a mother beyond compare. They continued to talk almost daily and those conversations brought joy to them both...and to me. The phone is silent now...as silent as this cabin.
I feel it as a void. There is just nothing that can replace the presence of a woman like Bonnie.
I spent the day yesterday putting the house back in order. Nine guys can make a big mess. Don't get me wrong though. The "mess" was more than worth it. For those few days, I felt more 'normal' than I have for quite some time. I want them to know how much I appreciate their being here and how much I appreciate their wives letting them come on Mother's Day Weekend. I know each of their wives and I can guarantee you that each one is a very special lady and mother.
Then, today, I had to face medical bills. It is not that the bills are large or that I cannot pay them if it is ruled that I owe them. It is that they are still coming in or being reviewed. These reviews force me to relive the days that were the worst. They force me to recall the details I am trying so hard to forget. Time has begun to fade them, but the medical reviews force me to remember them exactly as they were.
After a couple of hours on the phone regarding two of the last claims, I felt I needed to write this entry. It is therapeutic for me. Perhaps it will be helpful to someone else as well. That is what I hope each time I write.
This morning I was reading "At His Feet"....catching up on the devotionals that had been missed during the frenzy of the past few days. Luke 6:10 caught my attention..."Stretch out your hand." That devotional closed with this statement... "Own up to your withered hand, and let His strength be demonstrated in your weakness. It's the only way He'll show an unbelieving world the power of God."
I hope that is what I am doing with this "blog". This is my withered hand....my weakness....being shown to you, being offered to Him. The extent to which I get through this time will be His strength at work, not mine. The 'coincidences' that occur which lift this weight are His miracles, not just random acts. I am depending upon Him because I cannot imagine being able to continue to breathe, let alone survive, by my own withered hand.
No comments:
Post a Comment