For some reason this week has been extremely difficult. I thought I was doing better on Tuesday afternoon when I got to go out on the bass boat with Hobo. The weather was beautiful and the sun seemed to warm my soul. Then yesterday I went to B'ham to be with the kids. That was great. 24 hours with "my girls".
On the way home, I stopped at Sam's Club. Walking through those aisles by myself crushed me. I wanted to say things to Bonnie...comment on something...hear her laugh at the stupid things I'd come up with. Never again, ever. It was hard to get the key in the ignition for the tears.
As I was driving home I turned on the radio which I seldom do. (I'd thought early on that the music helped, but it doesn't.)
I was in Bonnie's little Patriot and I reached above the sun visor to grab a CD that I knew was up there. It is a sermon by an outstanding preacher from our church in Franklin/Brentwood TN. I slid it into the slot and it wouldn't play. The message on the display was "no audio found"?!?!?
I tried a musical CD and it worked but I wasn't interested in that. So, I found a Christian station with a preacher I could listen to. During his sermon the radio preacher said something to the effect that procrastination is a fine tool of Satan. When God puts something on our heart to do we should do it immediately.
The reason this is so stunning is that I was driving along in tears, asking God to help me through the next few minutes, let alone the next 20 years. I had to talk to someone about it. I was sinking fast. I picked up the phone to text an SOS to a friend (I know...texting and driving a no no but....) As I grabbed the phone, it rang. I almost dropped the thing when it vibrated.
It was a friend and client of 20 years. He is a devout Christian and just a wonderful guy. He said God had placed me on his heart that morning and he was calling to check on me. We talked as I drove for almost an hour. By the end of our talking I found I was breathing again. God had, through Glenn, given me a calm that allowed me to function.
If Glenn had hesitated, I truly don't know what I would have done. Satan lost that round because Glenn didn't hesitate. He acted. I will be forever grateful for his doing so.
I am breathing again and was able to take a few steps yesterday afternoon. I did some painting that had been begging for a long time (I keep finding those things that I'd had to put off for so long)
Today. and over the weekend, I'll help my sister and brother in law move back to Hernando from Pickwick. I hate to see them leaving this area but the work will keep me busy.
My prayer is that God will continue to carry me along until I can walk again on my own. Like the poem "Footprints In The Sand", I look forward to seeing two sets of footprints again and not having to rely on God to carry me.
Perhaps, however, that is His goal....to make me depend completely on Him and not require two sets of footprints. Maybe my prayer should be for me to learn how to do THAT!
Maybe, when I feel those times of depression coming on, I should just stop what I'm doing, hit my knees and pray. I'd been praying so very hard on the road yesterday for Him to intervene....and the phone rang from someone I hadn't talked to since before Bonnie died. I'd emptied my heart to God and He answered me with a phone call.....
Today, as I was writing this entry, Glenn sent me an e-mail. In it was..
Psalm 18:2 "The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God
is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my
salvation, my stronghold."
is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my
salvation, my stronghold."
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