Challenges

C.S. Lewis said:  "God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way."   He also said: "Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth 'thrown in': aim at Earth and you will get neither."

My sister, Mary, suggested a book to me by C.S. Lewis that describes his grief and how it affected him following the death of his wife.  I must admit that I have not taken her up on her suggestion, although C.S. Lewis has written many profound books over the years.  I did, however, do some research into some quotes from him.  The two above are particularly applicable for me right now and perhaps can be for you as well.

One of the reasons I have not read the book my sister recommended is that I just do not have the "bandwidth" for reading a book at this point.  That is a challenge I am facing....one of many actually.  It takes a degree of concentration to do so and I find it difficult.  It was never a problem before but now my mind wanders from one thing to another.  I used to joke that I was not a multi-tasker.  I tended to do one thing at a time and preferred to concentrate on it until I had it done.  Now, not so much.

I wrote last about 'being still'.  In the midst of my day yesterday, I tried that a bit.  It was another challenge for me.  I opened Bonnie's bible to Psalms and began to read only the underlined passages and the verses with notes printed in the margins.  There were names and dates there as well.  I could tell that they were people for whom she was praying and the date on which she had done so. 

As I randomly thumbed through Psalms I began to realize that there were underlines or notes on virtually every page!  These were in different inks or pencils.  She had read it so many times and something was important enough on each page that, at one time or another, every page had special meanings to her. 

This, she had left for me.  This, God had left for me.  I found myself laying my hand on each page as I opened it.  The pleasant softness of that thin paper reminded me of her.  It was soothing to my soul.  I would never have sat down with her bible and so lovingly read it, experienced it, touched it in that way while she was here.  She was speaking to me through her "aiming at Heaven" for so many years.  God was allowing me to learn lessons that I would not have learned had she not gone to be with Him. 

One of my most difficult challenges in this horribly low point in my life is to learn the lessons He is trying to teach me.  Perhaps one of those lessons is to 'aim at Heaven' in all that I do.  How (on earth) can I possible do that when it is so very painful to get through a day and worse, a night?

I try to get through each day by being busy.  Doing something.  Doing anything to avoid "being still".  My fear is that if I am 'still', I will also be frozen, unable to move again, enveloped in despair. 

Unfortunately, in doing, I am also avoiding Him.  In being busy, I am trying to focus, but perhaps on the wrong things.  There is much 'to do' and concentrating on any one thing is hard....it is even more difficult to 'be still' and concentrate.

That short phrase, "Be still and know that I am God" is, as all of the bible, profound.  The 'being still' is the challenge for me.  Yet, without it, I miss the reward. 

Think about it.  When our heart and mind are still, it allows other knowledge to come.  As my walk in the park a few weeks ago proved, it is in being still that my knowledge of Him grew.  He met me there as I was being still. 

I had prayed that I would begin to KNOW Him.  His answer to me began soon after when a young nurse told me to go 'be still' for awhile.  She told me to leave while Bonnie had gone for a CT.  Bonnie was being well taken care of.  I was not needed there at that time.  Go, be still in the park for awhile.  He was teaching me that KNOWING Him comes from being still. 

This command is an answer to how we begin to know Him......be still.  A challenge?  Yes.  A lesson?  Yes.  Difficult?  Very.  Worthwhile?  Absolutely!