One Month

I can tell that 'firsts' are not the only thing that will be difficult in the future.  Anniversaries are going to be a challenge as well.  Today marks one month since my beloved Bonnie stepped victoriously into heaven.  I awoke with that thought on my mind and it won't go away. 

It is rainy, windy and cold here today.  I sat on the couch as the dark of night gave way to the gray of day and decided to try to read.  I'm not yet up to reading a large book. That still requires too much concentration.  I decided to try to get through a 5 page pamphlet and an 84 page booklet that Alive Hospice sent me as a part of their services to families who have lost a loved one.

The pamphlet is titled "Losing Your Wife".  It was written by someone who had survived losing his wife to breast cancer and was written in the form of a letter to another friend who had just lost his wife.  Reading it was like reading a description of where I've been and where I expect to be going.  He spoke of emotional roller coasters, feeling the loss on many levels, expecting major identity changes, trying to work with memories and reaching out - and up - for help.  Just to read of his journey helped to continue mine.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  Keep on walking. 

Reminds me of a sermon that Mike Glenn at Brentwood Baptist preached a year or so ago....that our goal is to just keep on walking....trusting that God has the destination already figured out.  My prayer, my consolation, my trust, my knowledge is that my ultimate destination will reunite Bonnie and me. 

The booklet, titled "What to do when you don't know what to do", was of less specific help, but did begin with a statement I found meaningful: "One of the most difficult and yet most powerful lessons we can learn in our life pilgrimage is that God will make a way for us through our pain and trials if we call on Him for help."   It later quoted from Don Moen's song that expresses this truth beautifully:

God will make a way

When there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to his side

With love and strength for each new day

He will make a way.

He has made a way for me to somehow get through this first month.  He will make a way for me to get through the next one as well.

Jesus is the way...